Being a parent is hard. Use funny mom quotes to help get you through the day. They are also a great addition to add to a card or tweet on Mother's Day. Use these original and famous funny mom quotes and sayings to give you a chuckle.
Funny Mom Quotes and Sayings
Everyone needs a laugh now and again. Laughter keeps moms from going insane or in jail. Check out some funny quotes and sayings only moms will understand by Jennifer Betts.
- You wrestled a bear? Well, I removed a splinter from a 2-year-olds finger. I think we're even.
- If there is a tooth fairy, it only seems fair that there should be a wine fairy and a laundry fairy. Kids shouldn't get all the magic.
- I used to think folding laundry was for amateurs until I lost a child in the clean laundry pile. Ooops.
- The true definition of patience: Walking away after your child's high-pitched scream sends you running into the living room, banging your foot, and wondering where the blood is only to have them say, "She touched me."
- Stepping on a Lego land mine at 4:30 a.m. while holding a baby and not falling should be an Olympic sport.
- Have you ever just ignored your children when they said, "Mom," just to see how far they will go? So far we've made it to 256.
Bathroom Adventure Funny Mom Quotes
If you are a mom, well then it's been a while since you've gone to the bathroom alone. No need to worry though, if you ever went missing, your children would definitely find you. Get a laugh out of these funny quotes about the bathroom.
- You know you're a mom when you stop daydreaming about a million dollars and start daydreaming about how amazing it would be to go to the bathroom alone. - Jennifer Betts
- I'm unsure when my going to the bathroom turned into a family meeting, but I should definitely contact HR. Oh wait, that's me. - Jennifer Betts
- You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times. - Jennifer Garner
- You could stand on the toilet and lock the door and their little fingers would still be peaking under the door as they ask, "Mom are you in there?" - Jennifer Betts
- A mom only truly understands the meaning of murderous rage when your child walks past everyone else in the house to find you in the bathroom to open their go-gurt. - Jennifer Betts
Funny Mom Quotes That Will Make You LOL
Are you ready to laugh out loud? These quotes from hilarious moms might just have milk coming out of your nose.
- When your children are teenagers, it's important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you. - Nora Ephron
- Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn't sleep. - Shonda Rhimes
- Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everything and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid! - Tina Fey
- Stop saying 'we're pregnant.' You're not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady hole? No. - Mila Kunis
- No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too. - Chrissy Teigen
- Two-year-old referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this what I shall forever call them. - Rebecca Caprara
Funny Mom Quotes About Sleeping
Mom's joke about sleeping all the time, but when it comes to having that first child, it is a true realization. Laugh about your sleep pains with these funny mom quotes.
- Sleeping like a baby is a lie. I want to sleep like my grandpa on Thanksgiving. - Jennifer Betts
- Woke up to two toddlers and a kitchen covered in flour. But I slept until 7 a.m. so we are going to call that a win. - Jennifer Betts
- Child: Mom, I'm scared there's a monster under my bed. Mom: If there is a monster under your bed, please tell him to read your stories and get you drinks, it's about time he earned his keep. - Jennifer Betts
- Have you ever noticed that the comradery between siblings is never greater than when the word "bedtime" is uttered? They seemingly in unison become dehydrated, giggle monsters scared of absolutely nothing. - Jennifer Betts
- Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I'm looking forward to investigating in the future. - Amy Poehler
- It's a funny twist of fate that your child can go to bed 3 hours past their bedtime and still wake up at 6 a.m. - Jennifer Betts
Funny Mom Quotes About Food
When you're a mom, it's like you're always cooking but never eating. Get a laugh out of these funny food quotes to brighten any mom's day.
- It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of food that my kid didn't finish… - Carrie Underwood
- I never thought in my life I would have to yell more than once, "Don't lick that." But I was wrong. Oh, how wrong I was. - Jennifer Betts
- That brown stain on your fingers could be chocolate, but it's also just as likely it could not be. Better not to risk it. - Jennifer Betts
- Motherhood: That moment when you are searching for your child's misplaced Halloween candy that you ate last night. - Jennifer Betts
- The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin
Funny Mom Sayings About Parenthood
When it comes to parenthood, sometimes you just have to laugh. Take a step back and have a good chuckle with these funny mom quotes about parenthood.
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If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says keep away from children. - Susan Savannah
- The Kryptonite of every mom, Common Core! - Jennifer Betts
- Have you ever watched your child try to eat a stick of butter and wonder why parents are the fat ones? - Jennifer Betts
- You know that karma has won this round when you look into the eyes of your 15-year-old daughter. - Jennifer Betts
- There is no greater moment in motherhood than drinking coffee alone in a quiet house. - Jennifer Betts
- In parenthood, silence becomes suspicious real fast. - Jennifer Betts
- The first 5 years of parenthood is like a 2 a.m. game of twister in your bed. And you are always the loser. - Jennifer Betts
- 80% of parenthood is contemplating what that sticky mess is. - Jennifer Betts
- Unless mom can't find it, then nothing is truly missing. - Jennifer Betts
- The first time you wear yoga pants, you truly understand your toddler's aversion to pants. - Jennifer Betts
- If parenting was as easy as getting fat, then we would all have it made. - Jennifer Betts
- The true test of patience is watching your child try to zip their coat themselves when you are running late. - Jennifer Betts
You Just Have to Laugh
If nothing else, you just have to laugh when you become a parent. Because if you didn't then you'd definitely cry. And a smile is always better! Use these quotes to give a mom you know a laugh or add them to a Mother's Day gift.
